Here’s a photo of the author, Bruce Y. Lee (L), with his mother (C) and brother (R). (Photo: Courtesy of Bruce Y. Lee)
Bruce Y. Lee
Mother’s Day offers a wealth of activities to enjoy with your mom, from gift-giving to special deals on meals, spa days, outdoor adventures, and sporting events. Some might even opt for unique experiences like an alpaca meet and greet or a soap-making workshop. But what happens when you face this day without your mother?
On Mother’s Day, Balance Paying Tribute To Your Mom And Yourself
This year, I find myself in this position, as my mother passed away last year. The challenge lies in finding a balance between honoring her memory, managing the emotions of her loss, staying engaged, and also taking care of oneself. This can feel like a delicate balancing act.
Remembering your mother is important, as she played a significant role in shaping who you are today, beyond just giving you life. As I previously discussed in Forbes, not everyone may know the full extent of her contributions. My mother, for instance, was a model of resilience in the face of discrimination as an Asian American woman and served as an inspiration not just to me, but to others as well.
Processing the loss of a loved one is an ongoing journey, regardless of how much time has passed since their death. Life without your mother is inherently different, and there are always moments you wish you could share with her. Additionally, there may be things left unsaid or undone while she was alive.
Relationships can be complex. Even when you deeply loved your mother, as I did, you might not have agreed on everything, given your distinct personalities. There were instances when she saw things I didn’t, like when she knew I should have ended a relationship earlier than I did.
However, spending the entire day reflecting can be exhausting. It’s akin to attending a spin class where the instructor demands, “Pedal as fast as you can for the next 15 hours.” Taking breaks and finding distractions can provide new perspectives on your mother and your feelings.
Self-care is essential amid this process. While you want to honor your mother, don’t forget to look after your own well-being. After all, most mothers would want their children to pursue happiness, even if there were disagreements about what that entailed.
10 Things To Do On Mother’s Day
So, what can you do on Mother’s Day if your mom is no longer around, aside from chatting with an alpaca solo? You can still enjoy Mother’s Day events around you, like a personal spa day, as long as you’re comfortable seeing others with their moms. Once you’re an adult, no one says you need a mother by your side to partake in these activities.
If you’d prefer to avoid typical Mother’s Day gatherings, consider these 10 alternatives for May 10, which falls on Mother’s Day this year:
- Write a letter to your mom: This is an ideal day to write. Putting your feelings into words can help you process them and create a tangible tribute to your mother, which you can share with others if you choose.
- Create a tribute for your mom: A letter is just one option. Get creative—paint, film a video, or construct something unique like a sculpture from pistachio shells.
- Take a fitness class or play a sport: Consider taking a class or playing a sport. It can boost your mood and thinking, and you might even make new friends.
- Listen to your mom’s favorite music or watch her favorite movie: I played Neil Sedaka’s “Laughter in the Rain” for my mom in the hospital. Whether she heard it then or not, it brings back memories for me.
- Go to your mom’s favorite spot: Visiting places she loved can spark fond memories. Plus, it provides a chance for physical activity unless her favorite spot was nearby.
- Cook or eat your mom’s favorite food: My mom frequently hinted at wanting to eat at a local sushi spot, and I plan to visit there in her honor.
- Tell your friends about your mom: As Dr. McCoy said in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Spock isn’t truly gone as long as we remember him. Sharing your mom’s story keeps her memory alive.
- Take care of someone or something your mom cared for: This could be a person, a passion, or a possession. Caring for these things continues her legacy.
- Volunteer for or donate to a good cause: Honor her legacy and yours by supporting causes she cared about or would have supported.
- Connect with others who have lost their moms: You’re not alone. Reach out to others in similar situations and share your experiences.
This list is far from exhaustive and open to additions. Don’t hesitate to explore options for celebrating Mother’s Day. Seek suggestions and assistance from others, and reflect on what truly resonates with you. While your mother may not be physically present, her spirit remains a part of you. Happy Mother’s Day.
