100 Grammar Jokes and Puns for True Grammar Nerds

People have been down on puns for centuries, all the way back to John Dryden in 1672. Edgar Allan Poe wrote, “Of puns it has been said that those most dislike who are least able to utter them.” In other words, as Mary Livingstone said, “There must be one in every family … who thinks a pun is the lowest form of wit because he didn’t think of it first.” While we didn’t come up with any of these grammar jokes and puns, we do think they’re a lot of fun. So go on, indulge in a bit of wordplay, and don’t be afraid to laugh (or groan) out loud!

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Hilarious Puns for Word Nerds

1. The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

2. Synonym rolls: Just like Grammar used to make.

3. When my teacher asked what I want to do for vacation, I said “Go to Italy, Rome around, and pasta time.” I’m one of her favorite students now.

4. My sister is reading a book on anti-gravity, and boy, she cannot put that book down.

5. Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.

6. Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

7. You can’t run through a campground. You can only ran, because it’s past tents.

8. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke.

9. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

10. I was a surgeon with bad punctuation. I got fired for leaving out a colon.

11. English teachers are always write!

12. The criminal’s greatest asset will be his lie ability.

13. When the English majors got married, the pastor said, “I now pronouns you, he and she.”

14. A bookstore owner was severely hurt as a pile of books fell on him. Apparently, he only has his shelf to blame.

15. I’m only close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.

16. Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.

17. I’m glad I know sign language—it’s pretty handy.

18. It’s raining cats and dogs out there, and I just stepped in a poodle!

19. I wrote a song about tortillas. It’s a wrap.

20. Thanks for explaining the definition of “many.” It means a lot.

Silly Grammar One-Liner Jokes

21. I avoid cliches like the plague.

22. Autocorrect has become my worst enema.

23. Never leave alphabet soup on the stove when you go out—it could spell disaster.

24. There’s a special tax for people who destroy the English language: syntax.

25. I did a theatrical performance about puns—it was really just a play on words.

26. Did you hear that the inventor of the knock-knock joke got a no-bell prize?

27. Irony is when someone writes, “Your an idiot.”

28. Rumors of a food shortage at this year’s spoonerism conference turned out to be a complete lack of pies.

Funny Jokes for English Grammar Lovers

29. Eight vowels, 11 consonants, an exclamation point, and a comma appeared in court today. They are due to be sentenced next week.

30. An oxymoron walked into a bar. The silence was deafening.

31. When I was a kid, my English teacher looked my way and said, “Name two pronouns.” I said, “Who, me?”

32. My life is a constant battle between wanting to correct grammar and wanting to have friends.

33. Double negatives are a big no-no.

34. The passive voice is to be avoided.

35. Bad spelling makes me [sic].

36. Last night someone broke into my classroom and stole all of the dictionaries. I’m at a loss for words.

37. So many people are bothered about correct grammar. I couldn’t care fewer.

38. Wife: “You need to do more chores around the house.”
Husband: “Can we change the subject?”
Wife: “OK, more chores around the house need to be done by you.”

39. English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

40. There are three things that I love: the Oxford comma, irony, and missed opportunities.

41. Saying “I’m sorry” is the same as saying “I apologize.” Except at a funeral.

42. “Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.” —Anonymous

43. “I’m down with it” means “I’m up for it.” English is crazy!

44. A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

45. Did you hear about the grammar teacher who confessed his love to a colleague? She told him it was a lost cause.

46. A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

ELA Jokes About Spelling and Punctuation

47. Every time someone types “to funny,” I immediately picture them, fist in the air, going on a quest to find funny.

48. Whoever put the letter “B” in the word “subtle” deserves a pat on the back.

49. “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
“A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
Punctuation is powerful.

50. “Your dinner” vs. “You’re dinner.” One leaves you nourished, the other leaves you dead.

51. “Let’s eat grandma!”
“Let’s eat, Grandma!”
Punctuation saves lives.

52. I before E … except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor.

53. Did you hear about the pregnant woman who started shouting, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”? She was having contractions.

54. “Hyphenated” is not hyphenated and “non-hyphenated” is. Ah, the ironies of English!

55. Comma said, “I think we should slow down for a while.” Period replied, “I’ll stop when I’m ready.” Exclamation mark yelled, “Just stop!”

56. “I like cooking my family and pets.” Commas matter.

57. “Phonetic” is not. “Abbreviation” has 12 letters. “Monosyllabic” has five syllables. Say what you will, the English language has a sense of humor.

58. The spelling of “awkward” absolutely is.

ELA Grammar Riddles for Kids

59. Knock knock. Who’s there? To. To who?

No, to whom!

60. Why should you never date an apostrophe?

They’re too possessive.

61. Which dinosaur knows the most words?

A thesaurus.

62. Which word becomes shorter after you add two letters to it?

Short.

63. When is a door not a door?

When it’s ajar.

64. What did the period say to the sentence?

“We better stop now!”

65. What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?

Expla-nation!

66. What begins with t, ends with t, and has t in it?

A teapot.

67. How do you spell mousetrap?

C-A-T.

68. What is black and white and red all over?

A newspaper.

69. How do you make seven even?

Remove the “s.”

70. What is at the end of the rainbow?

The letter “w.”

71. What is the color of the wind?

Blew.

72. What is at the end of the world?

The letter “d.”

73. Can you spell jealousy with just two letters?

NV.

74. What letter of the alphabet is filled with water?

The C.

75. Scrutinize this sentence scrupulously—which is the word that’s mispelled?

Misspelled!

76. What’s the longest word in the dictionary?

Smiles—there’s a mile between the first and last letters!

77. What did one sentence say to the other?

Do you comma here often?

78. Why is B so cool?

Because it’s between AC.

79. What do you call a verb that’s always working out?

An action figure.

80. What happened to the student who got hit in the head with a grammar book?

He’s in a comma.

Tough Grammar Riddles for True Grammar Geeks

81. What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

82. What do you call Santa’s little helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

83. Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?

Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b?

84. How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.

85. How do you comfort a grammar snob?

“There, their, they’re.”

86. Name a bus you can never enter.

A syllabus.

87. Why are writers always cold?

They’re surrounded by drafts.

88. What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

89. Is there a word that uses all the vowels including y?

Unquestionably.

90. What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question?

[Wait for it …]

91. Why is nostalgia like grammar?

We find the present tense and the past perfect.

92. What did the intransitive verb say when told it was pretty?

Nothing. Intransitive verbs can’t take complements.

93. What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

94. Which cheese is made backward?

Edam.

95. What letter of the alphabet is always waiting in line?

The Q (queue).

96. How do you write a composition with only two letters?

SA (essay).

97. What language do bridges speak?

Span-ish.

98. Why did the subject break up with the predicate?

They didn’t agree.

99. What do you call an English teacher who knows how to code?

A pro-grammar.

100. What do grammar-loving Jedis say?

Metaphors be with you.

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