Are you searching for a humorous and light-hearted anniversary quote to add to a card, toast, text message, or Instagram post? Look no further, as I have compiled 110 of the funniest anniversary quotes and messages on relationships and marriage for you to enjoy and share.
Whether you are looking to create your own special message inspired by these quotes or simply want to use one that will make your partner, friends, or parents laugh out loud, you will find plenty of options here.
Funny Anniversary Quotes and Sayings for Couples
“A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance, and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.” – Paul Sweeney
“Love is being stupid together.” – Paul Valery
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
“In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.” – Ruth Bader Ginsburg
“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love.” – Robert Fulghum
“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” – Groucho Marx
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.” – George Bernard Shaw
“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” – Michel de Montaigne
“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates
“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” – Doug Larson
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin
“A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.” – Terry Pratchett
“Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring, or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.” – Helen Rowland
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford
“Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.” – Leonardo da Vinci
“They say all marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.” – Clint Eastwood
“Marriages don’t work when one partner is happy and the other is miserable. Marriage is about both people being equally miserable.” – Forget Paris
“True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.” – Francois de la Rochefoucauld
“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” – Raymond Hull
“Marriage is like a graph: it has its ups and downs, and as long as things bounce back up again, you’ve got a good marriage. If it heads straight down, then you’ve got some problems!” – Julie Andrews
“Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Short and Hilarious Anniversary Quotes
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller
“Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns
“Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.” – Rory Elder
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.” – Henny Youngman
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” – Benjamin Franklin
“Love is sharing your popcorn.” – Charles Schultz
“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” – H. L. Mencken
“The bravest thing that men do is love women.” – Mort Sahl
“You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.” – Jay Leno
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein
“Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.” – Billy Connolly
“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” – Carroll Bryant
“Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first.” – Billy Sunday
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” – Red Skelton
“Marriage is a blast. Like a bomb.” – Julieanne O’Connor
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin
“Marriage should be a duet – when one sings, the other claps.” – Joe Murray
“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” – Rita Rudner
“Love; a temporary insanity curable by marriage.” – Ambrose Bierce
Funny Anniversary Quotes and Messages for Friends
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.” – Mae West
“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” – Henny Youngman
“The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.” – Oscar Wilde
“Marriage is nature’s way of keeping people from fighting with strangers.” – Alan King
“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie
“Our wedding was many years ago. The celebration continues to this day.” – Gene Perret
“It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.” – Robert Frost
“We got married: society’s solution to loneliness, lust, and laundry.” – Luke Rhinehart
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.” – Eddie Cantor
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” – Prince Philip
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” – Cher
“Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.” – Neil Simon
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time.” – Chris Rock
“A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.” – Brendan Behan
“People say, ‘Jeez, it must be hard to stay married in show business.’ I think it’s hard to stay married anywhere, but if you marry the right person, it might work out.” – Tom Hanks
“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.” – Richard Lewis
“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.” – Fran Lebowitz
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings… and lawyers.” – Richard Pryor
“A man doesn’t know what happiness is until he’s married. By then it’s too late.” – Frank Sinatra
“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.” – Oscar Wilde
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” – Wendy Liebman
Funny Anniversary Quotes for Parents
“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.” – Winston Churchill
“I asked my dad once, ‘How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?’ And he said, ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.'” – Gwyneth Paltrow
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” – Lyndon B. Johnson
“The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.” – Honore de Balzac
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” – Jean Kerr
“After 45 years of marriage, when I have an argument with my wife, if we don’t agree, we do what she wants. But when we agree, we do what I want!” – Jacques Pepin
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.” – Albert Einstein
“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” – Ogden Nash
“My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.” – Jack Benny
“Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat.” – Joanne Woodward
“The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.” – Peter De Vries
“There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again.” – Clint Eastwood
“A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.” – Milton Berle
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” – Oprah Winfrey
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” – Joyce Brothers
“A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” – André Maurois
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” – Ogden Nash
“After about 15 years I finally figured out that she’s always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that.” – Barack Obama
“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” – Robert Anderson
“Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner.” – Charles Caleb Colton
“Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.” – Abraham Lincoln
Funny Anniversary Quotes for Your Husband or Wife
“As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.” – Ralphie May
“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.” – Sigmund Freud
“We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse.” – Henny Youngman
“Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid their problems sound to you.” – Megan Mullally
“I married for love, but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” – Cameron Esposito
“Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic – you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Erma Bombeck
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Anne Bancroft
“For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” – Catherine Zeta-Jones
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.” – Stephanie Ortiz
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” – Phyllis Diller
“True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.” – Mindy Kaling
“I’m so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap Kids.” – Molly McNearney
“‘I am’ is supposedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?” – George Carlin
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” – Helen Rowland
“My wife had us register for fine china, because you never know when the Pope is going to swing by and want a microwaved hot dog on a $200 plate.” – Jim Gaffigan
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” – Rick Reilly
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?'” – Michelle Obama
“Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done.” – Burt Reynolds
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” – Groucho Marx
“What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” – Cindy Garner
If you want more funny quotes on relationships, check out these funny love quotes, hilarious wedding quotes, and funny quotes on aging and getting older.
