Dear We Are Teachers,
Recently, I’ve become increasingly aware of a concerning trend among some parents at my school: gossip. Whether it’s taking place in Facebook groups or group chats, I’ve learned that information about me—such as an activity they disapproved of or my choice of jeans during Meet the Teacher night—has found its way back to me through other teachers. This isn’t just hurtful; it’s complicating my efforts to foster trust with families. While I understand I can’t control what parents say, I’m exhausted from being the target of group chat gossip. How can I safeguard my reputation and my peace of mind when the rumor mill just won’t quit?
—Burned by the Grapevine
Dear B.B.T.G.,
First off, I completely agree that it’s unhelpful for other teachers to relay mean comments from parents. What purpose does that serve? When someone approaches you with such information, you might respond with, “I appreciate your support, but I’d prefer to remain unaware of this kind of gossip.” Adding a lighthearted touch, you could even plug your ears and sing, “La, la, la” to infuse some humor into the situation.
It’s crucial to note that there’s a significant difference between casual gossip and bullying or intimidation. If you ever feel that parents are making abusive or threatening comments that hinder your ability to do your job effectively, don’t hesitate to reach out to an administrator.
While you can’t dictate what parents say, you can control the narrative regarding your classroom. Consider taking a proactive approach by sending out a weekly newsletter that outlines what’s happening in class. Including sections like “Ask your kid about…” or family dinner discussion topics can help boost transparency and remind parents that you’re all on the same team.
Lastly, even if it sounds stereotypically maternal, remember that their gossip reflects more on them than it does on you. Keep your focus on your students, your teaching craft, and the relationships that truly matter.
Dear We Are Teachers,
I’ve noticed that my school frequently schedules IEP meetings after our contractual hours in the afternoons. Sometimes, I only receive a day’s notice, which isn’t enough time for me to arrange alternative childcare for my child. Is it acceptable to request these meetings to be scheduled during contract hours, or is this just something I need to accept as part of the job? I want to advocate for myself professionally without appearing uncooperative.
—Contractually Conflicted
Dear C.C.,
While attending IEP meetings is essential, so is your responsibility to pick up your child from daycare! You shouldn’t have to scramble every time an IEP meeting is scheduled.
I recommend visiting the office of the person coordinating these meetings and explaining your situation. Let them know you recognize the importance of IEPs and want to support your students but that afternoons can be challenging for you. My guess is they’ll be willing to work on a solution. If they’re not responsive, consider offering to provide detailed observations and assessments via email instead.
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Dear We Are Teachers,
I am a new second-grade teacher facing a challenge that seems to boil down to one thing: comparison. I landed a position at my dream school, love my team, and adore my students. Yet, I often feel physically unwell at the thought of not measuring up to Ms. Blake, or feeling inadequate for not having 16 class pets like Mrs. Williams, or simply not being as fun, talented, or smart as other teachers. My teammates reassure me that I’m doing well, but I can’t shake the feeling of wishing I were the best. How can I avoid getting entangled in the comparison trap?
—Thief of Joy Robbery Victim
Dear T.O.J.R.V.,
Oh, dear! No one becomes an all-star teacher overnight. That’s akin to a 3-week-old baby lamenting over not being able to walk yet. The learning curve in teaching is long—we’re talking years.
Your teaching team is an invaluable source of feedback—more reliable than any appraiser, in my opinion. If they’re telling you that you’re doing great, it’s time to trust their judgment.
One effective way to combat the urge to compare yourself to others is to practice gratitude. Consider creating a personal mantra, something like “I’m incredibly thankful to be learning alongside such talented educators” or “The mentors I have are shaping me into the teacher I aspire to be for my students.” When feelings of envy arise, refer back to your mantra to ground yourself.
If you still struggle, feel free to reach out to me for stories about my own missteps during my first year to provide you with some comfort.
Do you have a burning question? Email us at askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.
Dear We Are Teachers,
This year, our district implemented a new curriculum with a pacing guide that feels overly ambitious. I’m expected to cover entire units in a matter of days, although my students require much more time to truly understand the material. I find myself rushing through lessons, cutting corners, and unintentionally leaving students behind just to keep pace. This isn’t the teaching approach I want, but I’m also concerned about the repercussions of falling behind. How can I strike a balance when the pacing guide seems completely unrealistic?
—Racing the Clock
