Bill Maher Thinks Jeffrey Epstein’s Suicide Note Sounds Like Trump

Friday night saw the New York Knicks decisively defeat the Philadelphia 76ers in the NBA Playoffs, shortly after which Bill Maher began his “Real Time” monologue by diving into the contentious issue between Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni.

Just before the case was set for trial, the two adversaries reached a settlement regarding their prolonged legal dispute over the film “It Ends with Us.” Lively had accused Baldoni of sexual harassment, while Baldoni charged Lively with defamation. No money was exchanged, though Lively retains the option to pursue Baldoni for her significant attorney fees.

“I know why you’re happy,” Maher declared at the opening of his HBO show. “Great news. Peace at last. We have an agreement. A deal. A peace deal — not the Iran War, Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni. That’s who I’m talking about.”

“Oh, man. We’ve been reading about this for like a year it went on,” he continued. “All this arguing and suing, and it turns out: no settlement money at all. And all over a movie called ‘It Ends with Us’ that everyone hated? Did you see that movie? It was harder to get through than the Strait of Hormuz.”

Ba-dum-tsh!

Maher also tackled the news regarding Jeffrey Epstein’s alleged suicide note, which a federal judge released this week. The unverified note, purportedly written in July 2019, a few weeks before Epstein was found dead in his cell at Manhattan’s Metropolitan Correctional Center, ends with the line, “Whatcha want me to do — Bust out cryin!!” — a strange reference to “The Little Rascals.”

“Speaking of killing, apparently they found Jeffrey Epstein’s suicide note,” said Maher. “Apparently, it was from the guy — his cellmate — who Epstein says tried to kill him, but he’s the guy who found the note. And it says, ‘They investigated me’ — and then in all caps, it says, ‘FOUND NOTHING!!!’ Who does that sound like? I can’t quite place it…”

Maher was clearly implying that the note sounds an awful lot like one of Epstein’s closest pals, President Donald Trump.

The comic then cracked: “No, I’m not suspicious, but the note does end with, ‘Thank you for your attention to this matter!’”