How to build self-control, according to psychologists

You really want to buy that new video game, but you’re trying to reduce your credit card debt. Or perhaps you’re engrossed in your favorite TV series, eager to see if a character survives, yet it’s late, and you have work tomorrow. You tell yourself to exercise a bit of self-control. But it’s so hard!

Many people view self-control as synonymous with willpower—sacrificing immediate gratification for future benefits. A study conducted last year revealed that individuals in the U.S., the Netherlands, and China often describe self-control using words like “difficult” and “unpleasant” and see those who exhibit self-control as “virtuous.” For years, psychologists shared this perspective. A notable theory from the 1990s, called ego depletion, suggested that overusing the willpower “muscle” could lead to fatigue and reduced effectiveness.

However, over the past decade, this understanding has evolved. Researchers observed that some individuals manage self-discipline effortlessly and still adhere to their goals more effectively than those who rely heavily on willpower. Denise de Ridder, a psychologist at Utrecht University in the Netherlands, notes that people with naturally high self-control often develop habits that minimize exposure to temptations.

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The field has shifted from viewing self-control as primarily about willpower to focusing on specific strategies or habits that simplify self-discipline, says Johanna Peetz, a psychology researcher at Carleton University in Ontario. Here’s what scientists have discovered.

The Importance of Routine

In 2015, a significant clue emerged challenging the traditional view of willpower. Researchers conducted six diverse experiments, including one lasting over a year, to analyze high school students’ self-control. The findings showed that students with high self-control—whether aiming for good grades, regular exercise, or better sleep—relied on consistent routines for studying, exercising, or sleeping. These structured habits—repeating the same actions in the same place at the same time—proved more successful long-term than resisting immediate urges. Those with such habits reported they performed them automatically, without much thought.

Following this, researchers explored what lessons people struggling with self-control could learn from those who naturally excel at it. In one study, de Ridder and her team found that forming small, consistent habits aids in goal achievement. Participants, who admitted difficulty sticking to goals, selected something they wanted to improve, such as healthier eating, exercising, or environmental protection. They set modest daily objectives—like exercising for 10 minutes, eating vegetables for lunch, or recycling—and tracked their progress with an app and questionnaires over three months. Although the study did not link participants’ self-control abilities to habit formation, those who consistently met their small goals felt they developed stronger habits.

Practice Makes Habits Easier

According to de Ridder, establishing habits can make maintaining challenging behaviors feel easier over time. In a 2020 study, she and her colleagues examined another group who selected difficult goals and kept diaries of their progress over four months. Goals included eating fruit for breakfast, displaying more patience with friends, or saving money at the supermarket. The more frequently participants practiced the behavior, the better they became at self-discipline. While forming a habit initially requires effort, de Ridder says, it often becomes easier after about three months.

De Ridder suggests viewing self-control not merely as resisting pleasure, but as the ability “to create adaptive routines and strategically avoid conflicts, which in turn leaves more room for attending to what one finds important in life.” These routines can help organize your environment in a way that makes beneficial actions feel more natural.

Mindset Shift

High self-discipline offers more than just habit formation. A 2025 study found that such individuals might prefer engaging in meaningful activities—ones that advance their goals—over merely enjoyable or relaxing ones. In an at-home experiment, participants completed psychological profiles assessing their self-control strength. They were then asked to list four activities they would do with an unexpected free hour, rating them as primarily enjoyable or meaningful.

The participants were then free to do anything they liked for the next hour (while being compensated). Those with high self-control chose activities they rated as meaningful, such as exercising or doing chores, while others opted for purely enjoyable ones, like napping or listening to music. “Those high in trait self-control would not choose to just lay down on the sofa and dream away for 60 minutes,” says Katharina Bernecker, a psychologist at the University of Zurich and the study’s lead author. They didn’t need willpower to resist a nap. “We concluded that maybe the story that they are so good in impulse control and suppressing pleasure may not be the full story.” In reality, they enjoy engaging in constructive activities.

Can an average person learn to reframe their preferences to enjoy doing the difficult but meaningful tasks on their to-do list? While no proven method exists for this yet, forming small habits can still facilitate tackling tough tasks. Consider what obstacles you face and what habits might help. If you struggle to turn off screens at night, try setting an alarm half an hour before bed to train yourself to switch off when it rings. If running frequently gets derailed, create a routine of running one mile each morning before breakfast.

Research suggests that after a few months, pursuing your goal becomes easier. Who knows? If given a free hour, you might even choose a run over a nap.

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