“When a determined young man confronts the formidable bully of the world and boldly seizes him by the beard, he is often astonished to find it comes off in his hand—it is merely a façade designed to frighten away the timid adventurers.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Fear.
It’s incredibly easy to become ensnared by it—allowing it to hinder your progress.
I’ve encountered this more times than I can recall.
For instance, fear has prevented me from:
- Exploring new experiences. I’ve often shied away from trying novel dishes or hobbies out of fear that they might end poorly. As a result, I clung to my established routine and choices.
- Asking someone out. I hesitated to take the chance of facing rejection or appearing foolish in the eyes of others.
- Living authentically. Fear has kept its grip on me, whispering that it’s safer and more comfortable to remain in my current state, avoiding new ventures. Many times, I regrettably believed this fear, trapping myself in a situation that did not align with my true desires.
The fears we hold are often rooted in our thought patterns. Destructive thinking can generate a plethora of fear that is unwarranted and detrimental.
However, there are strategies to manage these tendencies and gradually replace them with healthier mindsets.
Today, I would like to highlight 6 harmful and fear-inducing thought patterns and offer alternatives to help keep them in check.
1. You keep your fears vague and ambiguous.
If your fear remains unclear and nebulous, it will undoubtedly hinder you and likely intensify over time.
What to do instead:
Pose this question to yourself: what is the worst that could genuinely occur?
Take your time with this; don’t rush your answer.
Get a pen and paper, and carefully outline what you believe to be the worst-case scenario.
Doing this will:
- Clarify your true fears.
- Reduce the power of vague fears or catastrophic thoughts that may have been swirling in your mind.
- Help you realize that you can often bounce back quite rapidly even if the worst-case scenario unfolds.
2. You keep your fears bottled up.
In my experience, when you internalize your fears, they can easily dominate your thoughts and create a paralyzing nightmare.
Isolating yourself with fear makes it all too simple to lose touch with reality.
What to do instead:
Jotting down your fears can be beneficial. Additionally, consider sharing your thoughts with someone else.
Discussing your fears and obtaining rational feedback from a friend or family member can often dilute the intensity of that imagined nightmare.
Moreover, simply talking to someone who listens can alleviate a great deal of your internal tension.
3. You concentrate on the negatives that keep you immobilized.
Focusing solely on the adverse outcomes of confronting your fears can make moving forward seem nearly impossible.
What to do instead:
A shift in perspective is essential.
Engage a friend or family member in conversation to discuss potential opportunities that may arise from facing your fears.
Redirect your focus to the positives and the reasons driving you towards your fears.
Here are a few thought-provoking questions that have helped me gain a more constructive outlook when facing fears:
- What potential benefits can I gain by taking these actions?
- What positive changes could I realistically expect in one year—and in five years—if I follow this path?
- Where will I be in five years if I allow fear to dictate my actions?
Discuss these questions with someone or write down your answers, or do both.
4. You misinterpret the limited information you possess.
It’s easy to take one or two experiences and mistakenly perceive them as evidence of something consistently permanent and daunting in your life.
What to do instead:
Examine your fears and their underlying foundations critically.
Once again, grab that pen and paper. Reflect on the memories that contribute to your fears and beliefs.
Look back at the situations that fostered your fears through a fresh lens.
Doing this has helped me significantly diminish my fear of social rejection.
Upon reviewing certain events that led to that fear, I realized that:
- There’s a chance I misinterpreted past rejections.
- Rejections were often not personal, simply a mismatch between individuals, or due to the other person’s mood, or their own insecurities.
This realization was enlightening and enabled me to understand that many things aren’t solely about me or my actions. Additionally, our memories can often be inaccurate and unhelpful if we don’t reassess them periodically.
Our brains have a tendency to craft patterns and conclusions based on minimal evidence or experiences.
5. You attempt to suppress the fear.
When you try to dismiss a fear, you often find it swelling in strength instead.
What to do instead:
I’ve learned in recent years that while pushing your fear aside can temporarily help prevent paralysis, it can also be beneficial to acknowledge the fear instead.
Accept that fear exists rather than incessantly attempting to fend it off with positive thinking.
To clarify, here’s how I manage acceptance:
- Pause and breathe. Focus solely on your breath to center yourself.
- Affirm to yourself: “Yes, this fear is present. It simply exists right now.”
- Welcome the sensation of fear without resisting it. While uncomfortable, it will only last for a short while.
Allowing the fear in will often cause it to diminish greatly—usually within just a few minutes of discomfort—and make it easier to engage in constructive thoughts again.
6. You complicate the action required to confront your fear.
Thinking you must take grand, heroic leaps to combat your fear can lead to increased anxiety and inaction.
What to do instead:
Take a gentler approach; there’s no need to dive in headfirst. Instead, opt to take a small step forward today or as soon as possible.
Take that initial step gradually, if necessary.
What matters most is that you begin to move forward. Cultivating some momentum will make it easier for you to take additional small—and possibly larger—steps as you progress.
By following this method, you’ll build not only momentum but also self-confidence, expanding your comfort zone and making it smoother to take bolder steps as you wish.
