Breaking Free from the Chains of Beauty Standards

In my family, the concept of fat was never just an adjective; it was a verb. It was seen as a crime that women committed against the male gaze, overshadowing their accomplishments, personality traits, and even their humanity. Growing up in a household where appearance was everything, I struggled to navigate my own self-worth in a world that constantly judged me based on my size.

When I had the opportunity to compete as the plus-size contestant on Cycle 9 of America’s Next Top Model, it was a moment that challenged everything I had been taught about beauty and worth. While I was being celebrated for my appearance on a national platform, the label of plus-size carried a weight that I wasn’t prepared for.

Returning home, I was met with confusion from my family. “You look… pretty thin, don’t you?” my dad remarked, unknowingly triggering my body dysmorphia that had been amplified during the show’s filming. Despite my physical appearance aligning with societal standards of beauty, the internal battle I faced with my self-image was far from over.

My family’s fixation on thinness stemmed from generations of conditioning, where a woman’s worth was measured by her attractiveness in the eyes of men. My grandfather and uncles would engage in conversations where a woman’s appearance was the focal point, reinforcing an unhealthy obsession with physical beauty that permeated through our family dynamic.

Witnessing my grandmother’s struggle with maintaining her slim figure throughout her life highlighted the damaging effects of societal pressures on women’s bodies. As she battled dementia, her caretakers had to monitor her food intake to prevent her from overeating, showcasing the detrimental impact of restrictive beauty standards on one’s relationship with food.

Despite the toxic beauty standards ingrained in my family, moments of connection and joy, like sharing cookies with my grandmother, served as reminders of the importance of self-acceptance and love beyond physical appearance. Breaking free from the chains of beauty standards requires challenging ingrained beliefs and embracing authenticity, regardless of society’s narrow definitions of beauty.