Jen Hatmaker is taking a critical look at the impact of purity culture on her relationship with Brandon, her ex-husband, shedding light on a topic often brushed under the rug.
In a candid discussion on the podcast, “The Jamie Kern Lima Show,” Hatmaker reflected on the “sexual shame” instilled in her from a young age, which she unwittingly carried into her marriage.
At age 51, Jen recounted how her church’s “sex education” curriculum used a flower metaphor to impart lessons about purity. Girls were likened to pristine blooms solely meant for their husbands, warned that engaging in sexual activity or any form of physical touch before marriage would lead to “ruin,” akin to plucking petals from a flower.
“For the first time, a spiritual authority labeled me a problem, suggesting my body was inherently flawed,” she expressed, stressing the long-lasting effects of such teachings. “I’m now 50 years old, and I’m still grappling with it,” she added.
Jen asserted that the mindset cultivated during her formative years made the transition to marriage particularly difficult. “That narrative haunted many of us and manifested as sexual shame when I did get married, for sure,” she admitted.
Married young, Jen revealed that she and Brandon had already “polluted the story” by not adhering to the strict church teachings about pre-marital purity, which compounded their feelings of guilt, shame, and secrecy. “We entered our marriage with a host of unresolved issues,” she lamented. “It was a corrosive force inside of us.”
Jen also noted the ironic expectation that stemmed from this cultural backdrop: after being taught to suppress sexual desires, women were suddenly expected to excel in the bedroom post-marriage.
“Being conditioned to see all sexual feelings as dirty creates a conflict when, in marriage, you are suddenly expected to be uninhibited. This whiplash is a source of misery for many young marriages,” she remarked, offering a stark reflection on the emotional toll of such contradictions.
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Jen and Brandon, notable figures from My Big Family Renovation since its 2014 debut, announced their surprise split in 2020 after nearly three decades of marriage. “My heart is shattered; this news has left me reeling,” Jen disclosed on Instagram, emphasizing the profound shock and grief accompanying the unexpected end of their relationship. She expressed gratitude for the outpouring of love and support during such a tumultuous time.
Since their separation, both have moved forward: Brandon has tied the knot with Tina Hatmaker, while Jen is romantically involved with Tyler Merritt.
