In her iconic work “Slouching Towards Bethlehem,” Joan Didion famously wrote, “I think we are well-advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not.” This sentiment has been resonating with many as the current internet trend of posting pictures from 2016 gains momentum. However, for some, including myself, revisiting the past year through old photos can evoke a mix of emotions and reflections.
As I scrolled through my timeline filled with decade-old selfies and party shots from 2016, I couldn’t help but feel a wave of cringe nostalgia. The year Prince passed away, “Hamilton” took the world by storm, and the all-female “Ghostbusters” reboot sparked controversy. But as I hesitated to share my own photos from that time, I realized why. Looking back at my younger self, freshly graduated from college and trying to make it in Los Angeles, I saw a person struggling with disordered eating.
In 2016, I was subtly starving myself, fixated on achieving a certain body image while neglecting my physical and emotional well-being. It wasn’t until later, after therapy and self-reflection, that I could fully grasp the extent of my unhealthy habits. Revisiting those photos, I saw a version of myself that felt distant and foreign. The emptiness in my eyes, the visible bones in my body – it was a stark reminder of a painful chapter in my life.
Despite the progress I’ve made since then – embracing my body, seeking help for my eating disorder, and surrounding myself with love and support – there’s a lingering sadness in revisiting those memories. The realization that society placed more value on me when I was thinner weighs heavily on me. It’s a sobering reminder of the toxic standards and expectations we impose on ourselves and others.
Yet, amidst the bittersweet nostalgia, the 2016-throwback trend has offered me a new perspective and empathy for my younger self. Instead of judging her harshly for her struggles and insecurities, I’m learning to extend compassion and understanding. I recognize now that she was doing the best she could with the tools and mindset she had at the time.
Moving forward, I choose to honor and acknowledge the part of myself that felt the need to shrink in order to expand her life. It’s a reminder to treat my past self with kindness and respect, acknowledging her journey and growth. As Didion suggested, we cannot truly move forward without acknowledging and respecting the person we used to be.
So, as I look back on 2016 with a mix of emotions, I choose to embrace the lessons learned, the progress made, and the compassion extended to my younger self. Each photo is a reminder of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come on my journey towards self-acceptance and healing. And in honoring the past, I pave the way for a brighter, more authentic future.
