The Self, the Crowd, and Social Contagion (with Luke Burgis)

Luke Burgis: Great to be here. Thanks, Russ.

Luke Burgis: The “One” represents the individual self—essentially, you and I as unique entities. Meanwhile, the “Ninety-Nine” symbolizes the collective—the crowd, the myriad others with whom we interact. This self-versus-crowd dichotomy has been a focal point of my thoughts for over a decade. The title draws inspiration from the biblical Parable of the Lost Sheep, where Jesus poses the question: ‘Which of you, having 100 sheep and losing one, would not go in search of the one, leaving the ninety-nine behind?’ This parable has perplexed me for years.

From an economic perspective, why should we risk the welfare of the ninety-nine for the sake of one? It seems counterintuitive. Furthermore, the sheep often gets portrayed negatively—as a sinner needing salvation. But what about the experience of that lost sheep? We must consider its journey: Was it transformed by its time away? When it returns, does it reintegrate into the flock differently than before?

I’ve felt like that lost sheep many times, oscillating in and out of different groups for various reasons. The interplay between the One and the Ninety-Nine is what I sought to explore. Many books on finding your tribe circulate annually, but for me, the real challenge isn’t finding a tribe; it’s navigating the complexities of identity once you’ve found one. I wanted to delve into how we can coexist in communities without losing our individuality.

Luke Burgis: Exactly. In the parable, the sheep is often deemed lost. However, I propose considering the possibility that it intentionally wandered off. People leave groups for various reasons, and the essence isn’t about escaping to a solitary existence; it’s about understanding the necessary differentiation that allows us to thrive as individuals within communal contexts. This dynamic involves relationships, and my book advocates for a relational ontology. We can’t fully grasp individual behavior without considering the relational web in which we exist. The essence of my work lies in exploring how individuals navigate these communal relationships and the transformation that arises from the tension of belonging.

Luke Burgis: I belong to several core groups—family, church, workplace—none of which fully encapsulate my identity. Christopher Lasch discusses the concept of the minimal self, and Eric Hoffer notes that people often join groups out of a desire to escape an unwanted sense of self. In today’s world, technology often reduces friction in our lives, encouraging us to join coalitions where everyone appears aligned. But let’s be real: in any group, tension is inevitable.

My book argues that the health of our communities hinges on individuals exercising a solid sense of self—one that doesn’t shift with the group’s dynamics. When everyone morphs to fit a collective identity, we lose reference points that transcend the group. The inability to tolerate tension is a growing issue, aggravated by countless avenues for avoidance. We must ask ourselves, how can we engage constructively with these tensions?

Luke Burgis: As a father of two young daughters, I constantly grapple with this. My goal is to nurture their individuality without them becoming overly reliant on my approval. Children naturally oscillate between the desire for connection and the need for differentiation. The family is a powerful crucible of identity, where we either learn to distinguish our emotions from those of our parents or become enmeshed in them.

For instance, if a parent is upset, can the child acknowledge their own feelings without being swept into their parent’s emotional state? It’s a delicate balance of emotional independence. This dynamic often causes anxiety within family systems, leading to triangulation, where a third party is brought in to alleviate tension between two others.

Murray Bowen’s theory posits that the smallest stable unit of relationships is a triad. In families, this means if two individuals are in conflict, a third can help diffuse the situation. If we fail to learn differentiation within our families, we carry that tendency into our wider social interactions, merely playing the roles expected of us.

Luke Burgis: In that scenario, the father is trying to foster connection, but the mother intervenes, suggesting the son should play catch to avoid further tension. This subtly coerces the child into conforming to the emotional needs of the parent, illustrating the often invisible pressures that shape our responses within family systems.

Such dynamics extend into education, where conformity is encouraged over critical thinking. In politics, dissenting voices are often marginalized rather than engaged with, leading to a homogenized group identity. This self-sorting into like-minded enclaves can feel satisfying but often masks the underlying emotional coercion at play. The challenge lies in untangling ourselves from these dynamics, which can be painful and require courageous conversations.

Luke Burgis: True education should cultivate a deep understanding of ourselves and the communities we engage with, rather than merely preparing resumes. It’s about training individuals to pursue meaningful paths rather than passively absorbing content. We need to learn the art of association—the impact of our relationships on our personal development.

Decisions we make, whether in our careers or personal lives, create pathways that shape our identities. For instance, when advising students on job choices, I prompt them to consider which options will contribute to their growth, even if they’re not immediately successful. This perspective can lead to profound insights about their futures.

Luke Burgis: I believe we’ve lost significant rites of passage that traditionally guided our transitions into adulthood, such as marriage. These rites foster differentiation and transformation. Without them, the prospect of marriage can seem overwhelming, especially for those who lack a strong sense of self.

When contemplating marriage, individuals often desire empirical evidence of its benefits, but such proof is elusive. Many people today lack the foundational experiences that would equip them for such commitments. We need to reinstate meaningful rites of passage to help individuals navigate these crucial life decisions.

Luke Burgis: Today’s media landscape bombards us with information, often diluting our ability to discern what truly matters. Education should train us to recover our capacity for thoughtful perception, allowing us to navigate the complexities of modern life. If it fails to do so, we risk becoming mere reflections of our mimetic environment.

Luke Burgis: Mimesis, or mimetic desire, refers to how our desires are shaped by others rather than arising from an authentic self. This phenomenon plays out in families, where siblings may follow each other into similar paths due to admiration, or negatively, where individuals reject certain beliefs simply to differentiate themselves from others.

In politics, this manifests in a refusal to acknowledge the merits of opposing viewpoints due to a desire to remain aligned with one’s group. This tendency to mimic can often lead to a clustering of beliefs based on familial or social identity, rather than independent evaluation.

Luke Burgis: Indeed, this dynamic often goes unrecognized in adulthood. While children embrace imitation, adults tend to shy away from admitting their influences. Yet, it’s essential to understand who we’re influenced by, as specific individuals can shape our beliefs more significantly than the crowd itself. Recognizing these influences can help us navigate our desires more authentically.

Luke Burgis: I explore the ladder of humility as a framework for understanding communal living. Communities that have thrived over centuries, like monastic orders, provide valuable lessons in stability and relational dynamics. The Rule of Benedict, for instance, offers insights into how structured communal life can foster healthy relationships while maintaining individuality.