After writer Mariah Maddox gave birth four years ago, she was surprised by how lonely she felt. She was the first person among her close friends to have a kid, and her friends without children seemed to be leaving her behind. “I sometimes felt like I wasn’t included in plans,” she says.
It can be tough to maintain adult friendships after kids come into the picture. If you’re a parent, you might assume your child-free buds aren’t interested in your new life. If you’re not, you might assume your parent friends are too tired or busy to hang out.
If you want to keep your relationships intact, regardless of where you fall on the kid divide, lean into communication and compassion, says culture writer Anne Helen Petersen. While she is not a parent, she maintains close friendships with many who are.
“We are not meant to only be friends with people exactly like us,” she says. “It doesn’t make us more interesting or curious. We need people who are living life differently.”
Maddox says her social circle has changed since giving birth. But the child-free friends she has now are especially important to her. “They remind me of who I was, who I am outside of being a mom,” she says. “It creates a balance.”
Here are four common reasons why it’s challenging for some parents and non-parents to stay friends — and how to address them so your relationships grow even stronger.
