NEW YORK — A few years back, a journalist reached out to the Boys’ Club of New York to speak with some of its middle school members for a piece on the mental health crisis among boys.
The reasons were apparent. The club, which has been around for 150 years, serves approximately 2,500 boys, many of whom come from socioeconomically disadvantaged backgrounds, live in single-parent homes, or face immigration threats. These circumstances limit their access to academic and developmental resources, increasing their risk factors.
“I mentioned, ‘I’m not sure that you’ll find what you’re looking for,’ but she persisted,” explained Avita Bansee, the managing director of communications at BCNY, about her exchange with the reporter. “She interviewed a few of our middle-schoolers but eventually gave up, as the findings didn’t match her expectations.”
Visitors to BCNY’s three clubhouses encounter an atmosphere reminiscent of a well-funded public school blended with a YMCA: wholesome, positive, and genuine — not crisis-ridden. Boys and young men here engage in homework, swimming, sports, music, socializing, teasing, and simply being kids together.
It’s quite unremarkable, yet that’s the essence. In an era where attention rightly focuses on the challenges facing boys — battling increased rates of mental health issues, academic setbacks, and identity struggles — BCNY offers a refuge for many. The club’s approach isn’t groundbreaking; it has consistently provided the same support since the 19th century, adapting with time.
Nevertheless, its strategy serves as a model for supporting boys and young men to succeed despite adversity. Scholars are increasingly acknowledging a key to mental health found within the club.
“Some solutions are straightforward,” Bansee noted. “Providing boys and young men with opportunities for deeper connections is crucial. The Boys’ Club thrives on fostering a sense of belonging and friendships.”
Niobe Way, a New York University developmental psychology professor with nearly 40 years of research into adolescent social and emotional growth, was unsurprised by the lack of crisis signs at BCNY. Her research led her to conclude: “Mental health is not the issue. It’s a symptom of social health challenges,” she stated.
Her studies track how children’s perspectives on friendship evolve. “There’s no gender disparity in the desire for close, intimate friendships,” Way explained, referencing her book “Rebels with a Cause.” “[Boys] possess remarkable relational intelligence. It’s a human skill, not gender-specific.”
However, as boys turn 16, they often encounter what she describes as a “crisis of connection” and become less inclined to share their feelings or connect with friends. “They began to abandon the very thing they wanted most — friendships,” she said, highlighting that this is also when suicide and violence rates notably rise.
She attributes this to “boy” culture, which emphasizes stereotypical masculinity that values hard traits — “thinking over feeling, autonomy over connection, money over people” — while dismissing vulnerability. This challenge to mental well-being is so evident that a group of fifth graders recently pointed it out, Way said: “When I asked, ‘What’s the predictor of mental health?’ they responded, ‘When your friends don’t treat you well.’ I laughed and said, ‘I’ve received millions in research grants to find that out.’”
Way, who has advised the Boys’ Club for years, believes its effectiveness lies in addressing this root issue. “The Boys’ Club approach is straightforward … everything they offer, every curriculum they have is designed to help young men bond with peers across generations, fostering opportunities to share both hard and soft skills,” she elaborated. “And it’s run with a lot of love. … When you walk into that space — it’s a place of love.”
A place of love
Founded by railroad magnate E. H. Harriman in 1876, originally in a Lower East Side school basement in Manhattan, the club offered reading materials and boxing lessons to keep kids off the streets. Today, it provides recording studios, swimming pools, and robotics classes. As the city evolved, locations shifted from the Lower and Upper East Sides to Queens and the Bronx.
Nonetheless, the essential components of BCNY have mostly remained unchanged: space, care, structure, and belonging.
This is evident at the Abbe Clubhouse in Flushing, Queens, a large brick building adorned with a mosaic of basketballs and waves. The entrance displays rules like no Crocs or sandals (due to the risk of slipping) and no headwear, with a bold reminder: NO EATING IN THE LOBBY. Inside, the front desk is decorated with trinkets from boys: Minecraft figures, rubber ducks, and Happy Meal toys.
To the right is a pool, exuding a steamy echo when the door opens, and to the left, stairs lead to the first floor. The steps display BCNY’s core values: competence, connection, confidence, character. Upstairs are a gym, changing room, game room, large outdoor terrace, computer-equipped classrooms, and a quiet room for meditation or reading. The walls are adorned with colorful portraits and quotes from inspiring figures.
On a recent visit, a 9-year-old expressed skepticism about the pool (“I was afraid, like if there was a drill and we’re still changing”) and uses meditation classes for extra sleep, as he often wakes up by 5 a.m. to see his mother off to work. Meanwhile, two teenagers discussed the resurgence of Air Jordans, and a little boy was surprised to almost forget his upcoming eighth birthday.
“This is their club,” said Stephen Tosh, BCNY’s CEO, referring to the boys, who are called members. In the club’s early days, membership required a fee: a penny in 1893, equivalent to 37 cents today.
“You’re not just a recipient, you’re not just a charity case, you are a member. Membership has its privileges,” said Ashanti Branch, a youth development expert and founder and executive director of Ever Forward, an organization helping African American and Latino students in the Bay Area. “These small things significantly foster connection.”
Abbe Clubhouse Director Orlando Nazario and other staff greet boys by name, and the halls are filled with high-fives, bro hugs, and back pats. Most staff in red T-shirts are young men, many alumni of BCNY clubhouses who say they “grew up” there, as if these weren’t institutions but the backdrop of their childhood and adolescence.
The clubhouses offer boys a safe space and, importantly, some structure and programs, said Dominick Shattuck, a Johns Hopkins University researcher and men’s health fellow at the American Institute for Boys and Men. “It’s easier to have a personal conversation or get to know someone better when you’re doing something else, whether it’s football, shooting hoops, or playing Dungeons & Dragons — whatever your interest is,” he said.
He cites the success of Men’s Sheds, a program that gives men access to workshops for collaborative projects, based on the idea that “men talk shoulders to shoulders, not face to face.” Originating in Australia in the 1980s, in response to a mental health crisis among rural men, it has been credited with reducing loneliness and suicide risk. “There’s ample research on this, and these men’s sheds are essentially like a Boys’ Club for adult men,” Shattuck said.
The club’s leadership describes its approach as “collective care,” borrowing from traditions and ideas including Indigenous heritage, mutual aid, and the African concept of ubuntu, meaning “I am because we are.” Initially aiming to improve the well-being of women and gender minorities, the leadership discovered it works equally well for boys and young men.
Where ‘you can be a kid’
For members, particularly those lacking male role models, being around staff who “grew up” in the club and shared similar experiences provides organic mentorship and a chance to open up about their feelings with someone who was once in their shoes.
Interacting with such role models shows a boy someone who faced similar social pressures, especially masculinity policing, which discourages sensitivity and emotional expression, yet still expresses vulnerability, said Christopher Reigeluth, a professor at Oregon Health & Science University and author of “The Masculinity Workbook for Teens: Discover What Being a Guy Means to You.”
Branch added that such informal, caring relationships offer a freedom that boys may not feel with relatives or authority figures like teachers. “It provides a soft landing place,” he said.
In conversations with former members and caregivers of current ones, they frequently mentioned an “opening up” nurtured by the club. “In school, they would say, ‘Oh, he’s quiet, he doesn’t say much’,” noted the single mother of a 17-year-old who joined BCNY as a first grader. At the time, they had moved to a new neighborhood with no family support or connections, and she found BCNY to be a “godsend”: He overcame his fear of swimming to join the team, attended sleepaway camps, and received educational support for his learning disabilities. “When he gets to the Boys’ Club he talks, he doesn’t close out, he’s open, the Boys’ Club gave him that,” she said, requesting anonymity.
Another mother, Isabel, enrolled her first grader in the club five years ago, following her brother’s footsteps — “I used to be jealous that he went to the club while I stayed home because it’s boys-only,” she recalled. Her now-10-year-old has become social and confident in speaking up for himself and others. “The other day he told me he helped a friend at school who was upset and crying, and he helped calm them down,” she said.
Relationships formed with peers and mentors in environments like the club bolster resilience, stated Roselinde Kaiser, director for the Center for Healthy Mind and Mood at the University of Colorado. Research shows that individuals with one trusted person in their life, such as a teacher or near-peer a few years older, “are much more likely to expand into a broader network.” In turn, this network can mitigate stress-induced depression and anxiety. “Fostering those early connections can pay dividends in exponential ways,” she said.
For former members, returning to work at the club offers benefits too: a chance to give back, continue developing skills, and potentially build a career. Layton McKenzie, who joined as a sixth grader in 2006 and is now a teen program director at 31, described BCNY as life-changing. It led to a scholarship to boarding school, lifelong friendships, and college education.
A man of polite and gentle demeanor, he remembered how the club helped him emerge from his shell in an environment very different from Southside Jamaica, Queens, where he was raised. “Coming to the boys club, it was very diverse and there were some [boys] I had never really interacted with before, and I didn’t really know how. But our [mentors] gave us some prompts and encouraged us to get out of our comfort zone … and encouraged us to just get along,” he said. He realized, “there’s no need to be rigid or feel unprotected. There’s no need to feel unsafe.”
As a director, he now emphasizes that members can drop any external grittiness and toughness. “This is not a place where you have to put up that persona,” he said. “This is a place where you can come and be a kid. You can come and be yourself. When you come to the Boys’ Club, it’s a brotherhood.”
Still, this isn’t the solution for everyone. “My best friend was one of those who came, and we both started the boarding school process together, but he unfortunately went a completely different route. And I’m here, and he’s in a very different place,” McKenzie said. “So, you know, that does happen.”
Members may not portray a picture of youth in crisis, but they still frequently face significant challenges: learning disabilities, ADHD, financial constraints, even homelessness. Recently, fear of Immigration and Customs Enforcement raids has heightened anxiety for members from immigrant families.
The club’s policy is that membership lasts a lifetime, but some boys stop attending. Often, this is due to moving or going to boarding school, but for some boys, the club isn’t a good fit, Tosh, the CEO, explained. “The biggest issue we sometimes face with younger boys is that it’s a lot after a long school day … and some boys need a quieter environment after school,” he said.
Measures of success
The impact of the Boys’ Club on its members’ lives, their well-being, ability to form friendships, and emotional processing is hard to quantify. These benefits aren’t measured by high school graduation rates, scholarships, or swimming titles.
“In most schools, you are measured by attendance, behavior, and core class success; no one’s caring about your wellness, no one cares about your feelings, your emotions,” Branch said.
The club tries to gather some qualitative data. Recently, staff surveyed and interviewed over 500 kids, from third grade and up, who had been at BCNY for at least a year. They found that 95% of members felt safe at BCNY, 88% felt included, and 85% felt welcome from the start. For about a third of the members, “meeting new people” was the highlight of attending.
Kelvin Jarama-Nivicela, a 20-year-old from Corona, Queens, who began attending BCNY at age 7, said the friendships he made there remain foundational: “We’re a very close-knit group, we do a lot together,” he said. The relationships he formed with mentors are important too. “I always go to them when I have personal or professional problems,” he said. “Even recently I had a very difficult relationship with one of my supervisors, and I sought their advice.”
Now an assistant project manager for a plumbing company, he said his communication and networking skills surpass those of most peers. “I feel like I’ve avoided a lot of problems that come with feeling alone,” he added. “Being in the clubhouse, literally being there, helped prevent that.”
There’s scientific evidence supporting the idea. “Loneliness increases anxiety but also it increases sensitivity to rewards, which means it can have all kinds of behavioral consequences,” noted Livia Tomova, a researcher at Cardiff University in Wales who studies the role of social connection in adolescents. This includes risk-seeking behaviors, where the reward is attention or thrill. Moreover, socialization is vital for cognitive development during adolescence, aiding skills like strategic decision-making and self-understanding.
“Interactions with others are crucial for developing these skills,” she said. “They’re not just beneficial; they’re essential.”
Dionys Jimenez, a joyful 33-year-old former member who is now the club’s education director, chose his career because he experienced the club’s benefits firsthand. “The Boys’ Club was a space for us to fail, to learn, and ultimately emerge as better versions of ourselves,” he said.
His warm smile lit up as he recalled spending time with peers at the club. “I’ve never experienced issues with belonging or isolation or the challenges young men face today,” he said. “We faced the same battles together.”
STAT’s coverage of health challenges facing men and boys is supported by Rise Together, a donor-advised fund sponsored and administered by National Philanthropic Trust and established by Richard Reeves, founding president of the American Institute for Boys and Men; and by the Boston Foundation. Our financial supporters are not involved in any decisions about our journalism.
