“It’s never enough.”
I’ve increasingly heard this phrase from my clients lately. These are motivated individuals who have carved a clear path in their lives, committing themselves to careers, businesses, or athletic pursuits.
They consistently achieve one goal after another, reaching remarkable heights each time.
However, it often feels like their achievements don’t satisfy them; they yearn for more, striving to ascend even further. Instead of comparing themselves to peers, they look up to those who are further along in their careers, unable to acknowledge how much they have accomplished.
This mindset places them in a challenging position—they cannot savor their successes. The thought of taking time off from work or business feels daunting, as they continuously worry about falling behind.
Vacations become difficult; they can’t seem to unplug, constantly checking emails and messages when they should relax. Their well-being and relationships often suffer, overshadowed by their relentless pursuit of the next milestone.
The Batman Syndrome
In my experience, nearly all of these individuals possess a “Batman Origin Story”—they’ve faced intolerable situations while growing up, such as living in chaotic environments, dealing with financial instability, or simply feeling different and disconnected.
At some pivotal moment, they unearthed a talent or skill, perhaps in sports or entrepreneurship, which served as a ticket to a better life. They rescued themselves from dire circumstances and have been evading those roots ever since.
Billionaire entrepreneur Andrew Wilkinson discussed this phenomenon in his book, “Never Enough.” Growing up in a financially strained household drew his attention to money as a source of stress and tension.
He believed that earning enough money would eliminate those problems. From his early days as a barista earning $6 an hour to becoming a billionaire, the stress and anxieties lingered.
Moreover, he recognized similar patterns in peers earning tens to hundreds of millions annually.
Alex Hormozi, another highly successful entrepreneur whose businesses generate over $500 million annually, often speaks about needing a stack of “undeniable proof” to affirm his identity, yet that stack perpetually feels insufficient.
It’s About Measuring Up
Why does this dynamic occur? The path to identifying what is “enough” lies in understanding that self-esteem and feelings of deservedness underpin the issue.
To combat the sensation of inadequacy—proving to ourselves that we are deserving, that we matter—we excel at something and labor diligently to refine our abilities. We set tangible goals to monitor our development and strive hard to achieve them.
Unfortunately, the feeling of never having enough persists. Regardless of how much success we attain, we continually shift the goalposts. With ever-moving targets, the possibility of completing the race diminishes; it becomes an unwinnable game.
Key Steps to Finding Self-Worth
We must discover alternative ways to validate ourselves without depending on external measures. Here’s how:
- Acknowledge that your upbringing does not define you. When we lack important resources growing up, it reflects the environment rather than our worth. Often, our parents are simply not equipped to meet our needs. It’s not a reflection of what we deserve; rather, it’s about what was available.
- The responsibility lies with us to determine our worth and what we merit. Who dictates the goals we pursue? Who determined how we gauge success? Who influences which opinions we regard? Ultimately, it is our choice. Even when we allow external judgment to define our worth, it is still us who makes that choice.
- Contrary to popular belief, self-worth and self-esteem are not products of achievement. It’s crucial to stop associating our value with prior conditions or beliefs and instead choose to live from our authentic selves, rather than as victims of our pasts.
Psychological theory distinguishes between internal and external loci of control. By perpetually pursuing goals and external validations, we cede control over our lives.
By reclaiming that power, by designating our worth and deservedness as personal choices, we regain autonomy over our lives.
Ryan Christensen specializes in harnessing human potential, focusing on peak mental performance and mindset. With a background in intelligence operations and certifications in advanced hypnosis, he has guided numerous high-performers to overcome self-limiting beliefs and realize their full potential. His latest book, Winner Peace: How to End Inner Conflict and Make Success Inevitable, presents an innovative approach to resolving internal conflicts and unlocking the power of the subconscious mind. Learn more at ryanthehypnotist.com.
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